DWF seeks THS ASAP

Desperate white female seeks talented hair stylist before I pull my hair out as soon as possible...

To say that I need a haircut is an understatement. I needed a haircut three weeks ago. Now I need a hair intervention.

Suffice it to say that after a hideous bowl cut at age 7, several unfortunate perms, an ill-advised attempt at bangs, and a traumatic incident involving a bleeding ear, I have become incredibly par.tic.u.lar about who comes near my head with a pair of shears.

From age 10 until roughly 24 (minus two years out-of-country), I had the same fabulous hairstylist, Donnie. All I had to do was say, 'I need more body' or 'I'm tired of this or that' and he knew exactly what to do - no pictures of celebrity hairstyles required! I always left his chair feeling like a rock star. Right through college and the first few years in Tennessee, a quick call to Donnie and he would squeeze me in any time I was back home in SC.

After two years in Tennessee and much soul searching, I decided it was time to grow up and find someone a little closer to home. I couldn't very well continue to drive five hours one-way every time I needed a haircut, could I? Into my life entered Zelda; a younger, female version of Donnie. Oh, Zelda, where had you been all my life the last two years of my life? It was to Zelda that I entrusted my post-Locks of Love 'do. Never in my life did I expect to say, 'Cut off 12 inches and do whatever you want with the rest', but that was how much I trusted Zelda not to steer me wrong. And the angled bob that emerged from her magic scissors was one of my favorite haircuts of all time.

Which is why, 20 months after leaving Knoxville, I have yet to find a new stylist in my new home state. I arranged business trips and wedding weekends around my need for a trim. This worked well when I was required to be in K-town every other week and then every other month. Not so much anymore now that non-essential business travel has come to a screeching halt and the next Knoxville-friend wedding isn't scheduled until July. What's a girl to do with no Knoxville trip in sight?

It's time to bite the bullet and find a new Donnie or Zelda. I have put it off long enough. A haircut with a weed-whacker would be an improvement over the hot mess that is currently on my head.