Sunday, April 26, 2009

Butt Hole....or why I just don't understand men

After five years of marriage, I have learned that there are many fundamental differences in the way men and women think:

1. No matter how old they get, men will always think burping, farting and other bodily noises are hilarious.
2. His idea of helping with dinner involves moving the take out from a plastic wrapper to an actual plate.
3. A man will never learn how to load the dishwasher, no matter how many times you show him.
4. A man will never understand why you do not consider it fun to play video games with him. You will never get 'better at it' so long as he continues to shoot you in the back as you are running away unarmed.

These few things I know. This is the thing that continues to baffle and amaze me:

I walked into the bedroom the other night to see a fist-size hole in the back of Nate's boxer shorts. He is actually wearing them around the bedroom like this.

_______________________________________________

Me: You putting on a little peepshow for me?

Him: What are you talking about?

Me: There is a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in your boxer shorts.

Him: Oh.

He continues to get ready for bed as if the whole conversation never happened...

Me: Um, aren't you going to change?

Him: Why?

Me: You can't possibly wear those to bed.

Him: Why not?

Me: Hello? Your entire left cheek is hanging out!

Him: Who cares?

Me: Seriously? You're going to keep wearing those?

Him: (staring at me blankly like I have lost my mind)

Me: No. I can't sleep knowing you're wearing those. Please throw them away.

He heads towards the closet and I head to the shower. Five minutes later, I emerge, noting happily that he has indeed changed shorts and I am victorious....for about 30 seconds, until I spy the nasty, ratty, hole-y shorts on the top of the dirty clothes pile.

Me: Oh, no you didn't.

Him (all innocent): What?

_______________________________________________

What is it with men and their complete inability to judge when clothes are no longer appropriate to wear? Socks with holes, underwear with holes, t-shirts with holes. It's not as though you can't buy them 5 for $10 at Wal-mart. Heck, he doesn't even have to buy them! All he has to say is, "Honey, I need new boxer shorts." and they magically appear in his drawer by the weekend. What's so freaking hard about that?

I just don't understand. Men.

10 comments:

Miss Adventure said...

I cannot tell you how much this post made me laugh! It is so true! My dad is actually a lot worse at all of this then my fiance is though. But then again, he was raised by his mom, aunt, and grandmother. But my dad will go to work with holes in his shirts and shorts. Its like, hello! dad! Not work attire! Even if you do work in construction! haha. Men. Too funny.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

hahahaah! I literally have tears streaming down my face from how hard I'm laughing!!!

I have the same problem with Matt. It's like he'll wear clothing till they disintegrate. I just secretly throw them out and replace them with me. When he asks me where something is, I'm like hmmmmm.....

Sarah said...

Ew. That is so gross! Time for an underwear drawer clean-out!

Mercy Triumphs said...

and then there is your dad who is an exception to EVERY rule you have just written! I must have just gotten lucky I guess...

AndreaLeigh said...

3. A man will never learn how to load the dishwasher, no matter how many times you show him.

So funny and TRUE! haha.

I understand what you mean about the clothing. my husband will wear his jeans until I finally get disgusted and take them away to be washed. he wears clothes multiple times before washing unless I tell him to put it in the hamper. and don't even get my started on socks - he'll have tons of clean ones but I'll catch him putting on the ones he wore the day before. WTH? so gross!

Cole said...

EWW! But still hysterically funny!

Cookie Crums said...

Hilarious!! It must be that time of the month for men or something. the ape face I posted a few days ago....totally directed to my husband. I let it go until I was calmer and we discussed it later on :)

Allison said...

So true...

I especially like #4 :)

Jennifer said...

Absolutely hilarious and completely true! I have to steal the holey clothes and pitch them when he's not around! At least he threw the boxers on the dirty clothes pile and didn't just leave them where he took them off!

Its baby steps...one day we'll have them trained the way we want them!

~Tara said...

That is sooo funny!! My hubbs is the same way...I sneak and throw his stuff away but he'll ask, where's that shirt? And I'm like, umm the one with the hole? I have no idea...

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